Amazed

After we talked to Eli's doctor last week, I felt relieved and just a little sad. But as I thought more and researched more about a possible naso-gastric (NG) feeding tube for Eli, I became increasingly concerned about it. It just didn't sound to me like the best option for Eli. Though I was willing to do whatever the doctor said he needed, my mother's instinct was telling me that a feeding tube was something we needed to avoid, at least until we had some time to work with the therapist to help him overcome his aversion.

Anyway, at the same time as these concerns came up, my Grandmom sent me a chapter she copied out of a book on prayer. The chapter discussed the "prayer of relinquishment," and it really hit home. I could go on and on, but I'll just summarize by saying that I hadn't been relinquishing this desire so close to my heart (that Eli eat and gain weight) to the Lord. Rather, I had been making demands of Him that He fix the situation, and this was only serving to put up a wall between me and the Lord. When I read this chapter and truly "relinquished" this situation to God, I immediately felt so much peace and freedom. I felt the presence of God with me in this like I hadn't felt for so long. I felt calm and assured that God knows me and Eli, loves me and Eli, and will do what is truly best for me and Eli. My heart was truly "guarded" with the peace of God (Philippians 4).

Also, I figured out that if I feed Eli while he sleeps, he will eat without a fight. So instead of battling him on the every-2-hour schedule like I had been, I simply waited until it was time for his naps, rocked him to sleep, and then fed him easily and quickly. It was such a relief to not have to fight him! And I was able to slowly increase his feedings each day so that he was eating more per day than he was last week.

I spent this week working on Eli's feedings and really praying that God would allow Eli to gain enough weight that the doctor would postpone putting a feeding tube in him, which would give us enough time to work with the therapist and to continue to pray.

We went to the doctor today and I felt so nervous. I still felt uneasy about a feeding tube, and I was scared to see the numbers on the scale. I was praying for unwavering faith- the kind that believes that God answers specific prayers and, more than that, believes that He will do what is best. But still- I was nervous!

We got there and got Eli all undressed and plopped him on the little length-measuring board thing, and he grew 1/4 inch in one week! Good news so far. And then for the moment of truth- onto the scale Eli went. I closed my eyes, praying to see a 3-ounce gain from last week's 11 pounds, 10.5 ounces. The nurse happily exclaimed, "Hey, he gained some weight!" I looked down, and there it was- TWELVE POUNDS AND HALF AN OUNCE! Eli gained SIX OUNCES in one week! My eyes filled with tears- Eric and I were beaming.

I know it sounds silly for me to be excited about a 6-ounce weight gain, when that is really pretty normal for a baby, but to me that is HUGE! Eli has never, ever gained that much in one week, and he only gained 4 ounces total last month! So 6 ounces in a week was enough to amaze me. Not only did God answer my prayers- He doubled the number I'd been praying for! There is no way Eli could have gained 6 ounces apart from the Lord- God truly accomplished this for us, and I am amazed.

The doctor was equally amazed! :) She came in expecting to place a feeding tube and instead said, "Well, this throws me for a loop!" She was so impressed with the weight gain that she decided to just let us go to therapy this week and in the following weeks, continue to feed him like we are, and come back for a follow-up in 3 weeks. Just exactly like I prayed!

We will go back to see the doctor in a few weeks to re-evaluate Eli's feeding/weight gain situation. If he continues to gain weight steadily (even if it's slowly), we can avoid a feeding tube. Our prayers are...

1. That our time with the oral therapist is fruitful: That she can help Eli overcome his feeding aversion quickly so that he can increase the amount he eats and eat without a fight.
2. That we can continue to make progress on our own with Eli's feedings: That we can continue to patiently feed him and slowly increase his intake.
3. That Eli continues to quickly gain weight so that when we go back in 3 weeks he'll be almost 13 pounds.
4. That we can completely avoid the feeding tube.

Will you join us in praying for these things? It is truly prayer that has carried us through this situation thus far. We are so grateful.